PORTUGAL :]

Saturday, September 30, 2006

telling others your problems,your secrets makes you appear weak from that revelation onwards.
people will look at you in a different light;even your good friends perhaps.they will judge you in a different way.and just how true are these 'good' friends.don't you think relationships between man is so intriguing,ever so subtle.
perhaps that's why we are all so selfish.everyone is selfish and i can see this occurrance happening day by day.small,seemingly outrighteous acts of selfishness.

ohh im sick of people trying to cover up their acts.and sick of people lying through their teeths.sick of insensitive people.sick of inconsiderate people that never spare thoughts for the person right next to them.sometimes i see this occuring on others,sometimes i suffer from such acts by others too.and sad to say,im turning out to be as ugly as these people.i just do back the same things to them subtlely,hoping that they will know how it felt like to be a victim of such acts and know their limits next time.
yea,im turning into this horrible person as well.guess im easily influenced,and easily swayed to commit such acts done to me onto others as well.maybe im just disappointed,disappointed that i feel unappreciated if i ever do something nice to people.i don't mind feeling unappreciated but then people just take it for granted,or worse still,use this against you and do you harm when you are doing them good.this hurts,hurts real badly and you just feel like a fool.in order not to hurt myself,i have to hurt others.selfish me.

and i ain't any goody-shoes girl that would tolerate all the way and be this kind girl.cos people will bully you,and i have had horrible experiences.i don't like the way im now,with a vengeful mind.ok.revenge is indeed sweet;but it plagues my mind,corrupts my thinkings and guilts me.but if you don't do that,you will forever be under the clutches of such horrible people.where is the love we should all have for people.

ok.im glad the whole of this week i've been controlling my temper well.prelims results were released and coupled with PMS[which i suffer from sadly],i was in a pretty bad mood.and then the flaws that people around possess all along were enhanced.like duh.and then i just feel like telling them off,ohh and that includes my good friends,but then ok i tolerated.must tolerate.they are my good friends,and everyone is probably in an equally bad mood and so they just love to shoot their mouths off.shan't be as _________ as them right.i should maintain who i really am inside.who i really am inside.shan't let any externalities infiltrate my mind and transform my heart.

hey God,you know what sometimes i really feel like doing.i feel like pointing out the flaws of people.like making really insensitive comments and not thinking twice before opening their mouths.and then wow,they can harp on and on about it and never give a thought on how childish and inconsiderate their actions are.and God,i got this friend who loves to put on a front before this girl,M.shan't go into details.and she loves to take note of and comment on how bad this girl does academically all the time.well,it's not as if her results are any better than her and then this week,i was quite pissed off by her actions.getting told off when i was trying to like console her on her results,and getting blamed innocently. but yes,God,i thought of You and i knew i should be forgiving,and not plunge myself into anger for anger blinds one and causes one to act irrationally.

ohh and im sick of people telling me how they didn't study and stuff.deep inside my mind,i know who are the ones who really mean their words and who ain't.i know who really didn't study and who really did.forget it.i shouldn't let myself be affected by any one of them.i have this crazy idea of shutting myself out from the rest of the world till end of A levels.but that isn't going to help :/

yes,meanwhile i shall pray to God that i don't lose my sanity in the process of preparing for As,that i do not cut myself out from others,that i continue to help those that need help academically,that i will be able to see things clearly,that i will learn to see people's good instead of picking on their flaws,that i will be as forgiving as You are,that i won't practise the notion 'an eye for an eye'.

amen.

i ain't a simple person to understand
so don't try to judge me
my self-defence is stronger than you think

PORTUGAL :]

xoxo